i feel like i need to tell my whole life story so that you can better understand and help me understand if i have been and still am being verbally/mentally abused... I'll try to make it not too long.
My name is Christina i am 21 years old right now and lets see growing up my mom worked multiple jobs to keep a roof over our head , while my father did drugs, cheated on her , and was in and out of our lives consistently. My father somehow convinced my mother to move to the bitch's (excuse my language) house that he was cheating on her with. I was maybe 5 or 6 when we moved, I was sexually molested by her older son who was 9 years older than me, i knew this when i got older and i figured its to late to tell anyone so i just kept it in.
My aunt is like my second mom, when i was growing up she was ALWAYS there for me, she played with me, cared for me, loved me but some how everything started to change.. i felt like our relationship became like a toxic war and i was her target. She would pin point the littlest things out to just lecture me and break me down. i was a child and it would feel like she would take pleasure in watching the fear in my eyes and the tears rolling down my face. I felt like i was nothing.
I was 11 the first time i tried to kill myself. It was fourth of July and all the kids (cousins) were at her house, i remember it so clearly as if it was yesterday. she was fine having fun, laughing with us , playing with us and i don't know what happened but something just triggered her and she just started "lecturing" (as she puts it) me and she wouldn't stop not until i literally made myself cry so hard that i had to vomit. Even after puking i was still getting bitched at "you're good for nothing, i cant stand you and what stress you put me under" . So after she stopped she went to her room and went to sleep like a little baby while i was sitting in a corner contemplating whether i should just save myself now from this monster. so i went inside and took whatever pills i could and i grabbed a knife and started cutting myself; OUTSIDE because i didn't want to make a mess.
I honestly have grown to resent her but i am so close to my family that i cant see myself cutting ties. I know this isn't a healthy relationship i have with her and i know she isn't a bad person, because shes not like this with anyone else...just me. she makes me feel worthless. we live in the same house and we barely speak two words to each other, i can feel the resentment she has towards me.
I am a very strong individual and i speak my mind i don't let anyone take advantage of me or my loved ones but when it comes to my aunt i feel like she has complete power over me . i want to confront her and tell her she fxkin crazy && needs help but i know she will only turn it around to be put on me and i honestly don't have the emotional strength to deal with her. From the age of 9 until today i have been dealing with manipulating abusive ways and i seriously don't know how to handle it.